A/N: This is merely a stream of consciousness that I decided to record during my
boring class today so it may jump from topic to topic and sound a little awkward because I tried to avoid the use of “you.”
I know that I am a hypocrite sometimes but I really just want someone to talk to. (Now, I don’t want any pity or sympathy; some may empathize with me: that’s all I really ask for, really). Anyways, I may say one thing and do another but I really just want to keep talking. I don’t seem like a person who wants to know many things but I really am, especially when my friends don’t talk to me anymore. Sometimes I start it, yes, and I know that there’s no going back.
Relationships change and it’s sad to say. Yes, sometimes all I dream about is moving away from this place and going further [with school work and jobs]. But I’m human too. I feel the coldness and I know something’s up. I know when to shut up and listen. I don’t like not knowing how people feel. Sure, I may be pissed but tell me how the feelings because then, at least I know. I want to ask whats up but it’s hard because I’m being ignored and given the cold shoulder.
I know I shouldn’t blame the boyfriend and all the time spent together with him (after all, it is a couple relationship) but it’s hard. It’s always the same “Skype’s not working,” “my computer’s not working,” homework, dance classes or whatever excuses. If it’s because I said something, I usually try not to spill. It it’s something I said, I’m trying my best not to be so harsh. I don’t know whats going on anymore and it kind of sucks…ok, it sucks a lot. Who know it would hurt so much?
If I’m thought of as backing off because I give up or I don’t care, it’s half true. I do care; I’m just not in the right place to be the one to care. I’m backing off because I don’t know what to do anymore. Honestly though, why should I? I’m never around but I’m healthy at least. No need to worry about me but I don’t that happens [anyways].