Every time we text, I feel like I’m actually something to you, that I’m actually special, that you actually like me. Those words made me smile more than I have been lately. But, when we’re in person together, I can’t find any words to say, no ideas of what to talk about. You don’t say the words that were written before. I force a smile and just sit there. I have so many things I want to ask but don’t because I feel like I’d be annoying. What happened to being able to talk about anything? Now, it’s like nothing. I feel like you feel like you have to text me or talk to me. I feel like you’re annoyed by me, sick of me, just tired of me.
I remember you said that you weren’t going to go with anybody. But now I hear that you’re planning on asking someone
(that’s not me). I remember you said we should hang out. But now you never mention it. Sometimes I feel like your actions are just to play around with me. I should’ve listened. I should’ve just walked away. I should’ve cut conversation to keep myself from falling. I don’t want to be your last plan because you need a backup. I don’t want to be the one who finds out last. I don’t want to be the other. Why am I so surprised?
I knew everything yet I didn’t do anything to try and stop myself from falling. I don’t reply because I’m cranky? I always reply….it’s more like you who doesn’t. I always feel so stupid, so naive, when you don’t reply. I feel like I’m just that stupid girl who you like to play around with. I feel like I’m not worth anything. What I told you…I was being completely honest.
Everything’s been different. And it’s been a little too different for me…and I’m so confused.