So, recently, I was a bitch, for lack of better terms, and totally just broke a friendship in probably one of the worst ways possible. (A/N: This is REALLY long but if you want to read about a little event in my life, go for it.)
Let me explain: this friend–it’s a he–and I met through a Facebook group (totally safe, I know) and we just connected. We found it easy to talk to each other. However, he doesn’t live anywhere near me (again, Facebook groups, totally safe, right? XD). I started going to him to vent about my problems when I didn’t want to tell any of my friends who were actually near me. It was good and just a normal friendship. However, for some reason, I started getting really annoyed with him; for example, he would just text me a ‘good morning’ and I would just ignore it because for some reason it annoyed me. I know that’s really bitchy and crap but I really didn’t think too much of the friendship. He started to complain about me not replying and I just replied that I had a lot going on and had no time to talk (which, in reality, was probably a total lie. I think I really needed someone to talk to but I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to him about anything).
Moving on, another month or two dragged on and I just said that I didn’t want him waiting/having a false conception that anything’s actually going to change. He told me that I obviously didn’t see anything in the friendship. To be honest, I really didn’t. I feel kind of bad for saying it but it’s true, and there’s no point in lying now. I told him that distance plays a huge part in who I talk to on an every day basis about things. Then he got all pissy and shit (especially about the distance part) but it’s understandable. He really put in a lot more effort than I did. To be completely honest, I only thought of him as someone I could vent to, like my blog but just not as public. I didn’t actually realize how emotionally attached, for lack of better words, he was to this relationship.
I had basically just said that I really didn’t care about this friendship. In my defense, at least I cut him off now before anything escalated; if this didn’t happen now, I think it would have been a lot worse because he would’ve been waiting for a much long time. I would rather have him pissed at me now and get over it sooner than continually waiting for a response or close friendship that probably would never happen. At the same time, I honestly just can’t bring myself to care any more about the friendship. I am one of those people who can be totally anti-social and not talk to anybody. So maybe it’s just a part of me that I need to change but I don’t know.
This whole situation is my fault and I know (I also know that I shouldn’t be venting via complaining. I’m honestly not trying to complain; I’m just trying to share a small story that may be relevant to another person’s life). It may not be very relevant because I’m not extremely affected by the situation, while if other people went through this same thing, they may have been affected, like the other party was.
In any case, judge me for being somewhat heartless and like a bitch if you want, but I did find it to be more of a lesson if anything else. I learned that some people may sometimes use the sentence ‘Patience is a virtue’ as a way of saying goodbye; I learned that if you know something is going to happen and you know the ending, you should end it now rather than later to save damage and add healing time; I learned that honesty is really the best policy; finally, I learned that people come and people go and there is nothing you can really do to stop that.