Holy crap! I lapsed back into the habit of not updating! Oops. In my defense, it’s been a stressful and rough time. I don’t really have any weight loss tips so I guess I’ll just talk about how I’m doing with my other goals.
So I said that I wanted to gain some self confidence. Well, that hasn’t really happened. I had a high in my life. It was probably one of my favorites experiences during the year so far. I flew on this high for a long time. I thought that maybe life was going to be okay and that what I’ve been telling myself has only been lies. I smiled and laughed a lot. I also thought that maybe a higher self esteem wasn’t so far out of reach.
But what goes up must come down. That’s exactly what happened. I was pushed off a cliff and just plummeted straight to the ground. Everything good or happy vanished. My smiles were only painted and my laughter became bitter. My self confidence reached an all time low. The words I had been telling myself became worse; doubting and not accepting compliments was the norm. If I was pessimistic before, I was a whole new species of negative and angry. I was tired of the bullshit and ignoring. I finally rid myself of any direct relation with the object that caused both my high and my pain…literally, I did that two days ago and I’m currently going insane (ie. the mental breakdown I had two hours after deleting all contact).
I hate that I don’t have any direct connection because it’s been around every single day for the past six months. It’s so weird not being able to communicate and the like. At the same time, I know it’s for the better for me. It was so bad for me, but I kept going back to it. It was like I was addicted, and that statement’s probably true. As for my confidence, I don’t think it’s going to be coming back around any time soon. It’s long broken as it wasn’t even whole when my high started so the pieces are minuscule. I think it’s a little too broken to be fixed right now.