“You know that you are. Don’t burden yourself with names, just be. Any name or shape you give yourself obscures your real nature.”
–Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
Well ain’t that inspirational. But, seriously, it really is; ignore the sarcasm from the previous sentence. I like it a lot, but it’s not easy to do, especially in today’s society where one is constantly being judged by how he/she acts, looks, speaks, etc. So then, there is this: “If you call me ugly, I will try hard to look nice for you. If you call me pretty, I will try even harder to look even nicer for you” (cryptize)…and this: “Sometimes, the hardest thing to wear is our own skin” (Anonymous).
Then, we can continue by adding this: “I can’t help but think that maybe if I were a little bit skinnier, then someone would take interest in me. Maybe if I was a little prettier, then someone might notice me. Maybe if I was a little more that and a little less this, someone might fall in love with me” (depressionisthegame-butyoucanwin). So many girls (and possibly guys, I’m not quite too sure. I don’t know every single person in this world) have this…this idea in their head. I’ll admit that about 85% of the time, I probably thing the same way. The other 15% is when I just don’t care and want to curl up in a ball and forget that world…er, let’s be honest: it’s probably more like 65% and 45%. I don’t like thinking like that, but I do…??
I personally think this world is a terrible place sometimes. People judging you no matter where you go. It’s like you always have to be your best; you can’t have imperfect moments. Always look good. Do well in school. Live a perfect social life. Don’t forget to play a sport or two and involve yourself in the performing arts all while leading student council and promoting equality for all. What is this? Boot camp for a life that will never exist? Yes, individually, all of these things are good in their own ways but together, it can be total stress and torture. I don’t even understand or even know where to begin to even try to understand.
Merp. This post is beginning to ramble.
Check in goals: weight went up 1.5 lbs; teeth are whiter; confidence is somewhere (thank you, society); thigh gap is still the same; outlook on life…just kind of there. How lovely, right? The year’s not over yet. There is still time to get, if anything, one step closer.